I am sharing this wonderful piece written by the talented Nai Bowen on Facebook. I couldn’t help but share these words with you all. Well it was beautifully written. and so true. I’ve lost friends to suicide, and I’ve had depression myself. It’s debilitating. For people to say it’s selfish and easy – is untrue. It’s desperately sad, it’s tragic but you cannot place these people at blame.
I shall let Nai’s words speak for themselves. If you like this, connect with her on Twitter @nomifish and check out some more!
“Forgive me again for this indulgence. I can’t remember where I left my blog, let alone recall the password, so here will have to do again. And apologies for what is a potentially upsetting bunch of words. I hope they are not triggering. I needed to get them off my chest. We need to talk about this stuff, but please don’t read beyond the first paragraph if you think you might be upset by what I’m talking about.
Fox News has allegedly labelled Robin Williams a coward for killing himself. There are few things that get me as angry as calling cowardice on suicide (although you would be forgiven for thinking that I am equally angry about just about everything. Maybe the misspelling of the word “definitely” is a close second).
Depression is selfish. It absolutely is selfish. Of that I am in no doubt. BUT, it is not a deliberate selfishness. It is a disease which forces sufferers to doubt, loathe and berate themselves. It plummets the brain into inescapable darkness, sometimes as quickly a flicking a switch. It is like drowning in nothing.
And all the while you are drowning in that nothing, you are pushing away the people who love you, because you know that there is no rational explanation for this darkness. There are far worse things going on in the world to people far less deserving of them than you are. And people will tell you that. They will remind you if it in the misguided belief that you will realise that your life isn’t that bad. But you already know that. You’re not hating yourself on purpose. And you know that there are terrible, terrible things going on in the world. And that makes it worse.
And sometimes the darkness and the nothingness and the knowledge that you are succumbing to this awful, awful accidental selfishness becomes too much. And the only thing (NOT the easiest thing), the only thing that will end it is just to end it. To physically end it. Because ending it any other way seems impossible.
So to people like Fox News, who think a suicide victim is a coward,
I am pleased for you. I pray you never experience the depth of darkness and desperation that drives you to the point where you just can’t see the point of being here anymore. Where you feel that since life is just filling time before you die anyway, you might as well just bring that inevitable day forward.
Now imagine you have reached that day where it has finally become too hard. You don’t know what dying feels like. It’s impossible to know. Does it hurt? How long will it take? Is it as agonising as living? Someone will have to find you at some point. And you can’t live with yourself for putting then through that. But you can’t put yourself through this agonising futility any longer.
So amidst all this darkness and loathing and desperation, none of which you feel any control over whatsoever, you have to summon up from somewhere the courage to actually do it. Courage.
Maybe it’s not a conventional courage. But you have to be pretty fucking brave.”
Great perspective and so well written.depress